I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize