at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
