She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We left the knife in your bed.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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