yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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