I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
