I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
