dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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