and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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