I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
