Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
