It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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