either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
this boner is exhausting
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize