Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
