so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
