I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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