i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
