Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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