That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
