I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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