took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize