she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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