you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize