No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
if only i could text you this smell
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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