I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
