dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
