Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
