I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
