I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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