just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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