I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Randomize
