My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
