dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
