the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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