That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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