we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
