just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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