I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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