One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
