i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
