Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Are we still banned from the library?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
last night I used snow as a chaser
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize