It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
