I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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