we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize