the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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