is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
