i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
