We got so high we made milksteak
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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