I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
