YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
