Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
