I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
