I smell stomach acid.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
