i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
