question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
