You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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