I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
