I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
