FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
