I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
