Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
