The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
