Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Sorry my hands just texted you
NoShamevember. You game?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
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