We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
