one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
If I die, sorry about rent.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize