Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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