i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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