piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
MIDGETS
????
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
