even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
