We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
