I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
