he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I need to align my fucking chakras
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
