i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
