fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
