I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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