did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
