Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize