Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
