I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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