Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
