i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize