somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
