is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
