I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
