I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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