Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize