I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
