to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
