Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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