OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i've created a new STD.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize