Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
