I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
