I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
