The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
