In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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