im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
