Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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