So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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