They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
