Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
organizing the empties. That sober.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
