I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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